You asked for it

Many an e-mailer has told me that I should let my audience know more about who I am. Although I try to avoid boring people with the minutiae of my existence, I do think a little background is in order.

So here goes:

• I have an unholy love affair with Nina Simone's music
• In addition, I prefer Ella, Billie, Sarah, Shirley, Martha, and Astrud to any contemporary female singer
• I was raised on Motown instead of classic rock. My mother is the only person in the family who penly admits to liking country music
  
• I boast mild genetic malformations in my lower jaw and hard palate
• In addition to my ability to roll my tongue
• And grip the ground with my toes
• People who pinch me with their toes creep me right the fuck out
• I've had 7 one-night stands, because they're FUN, goddamnit!
  
• I moan in my sleep
  
• I love cats and dogs, but prefer cats a bit more, but only because cat shit is easier to deal with than dog shit. Especially big dog shit. And cats eat neither dirty diapers nor the crotch from your panties
  
• I've been coveting a large saltwater fish tank full of exotics
• I am completely fascinated by jellyfish
• I still want to be a marine biologist. Or a geneticist. Or a geologist. Or a peace corps volunteer. Or a photographer/videographer for National Geographic. Or one of those lucky Food Network bastards who get paid to travel the world and eat for a living
  
• I want to be a world-renowned designer, able to leverage name recognition for ridiculous sums of money. Or a highly-paid production designer for movies
• I want to make money so that I can spoil my parents to thank them for raising me so well
• The only part of my 30s I'm looking forward to is the part where orgasms during sex are almost guaranteed
  
• I want a loft with massive windows in a quiet urban neighborhood. Or a large, tree-festooned condo overlooking the ocean. With massive windows and a huge deck
  
• I drool over electronics and gadgets
  
• I am able to quickly and easily identify the makes and models of most cars on the road today
• All my cousins around my age or older lost their virginity before I did
• Men like to stare at my face, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable
• I can't maintain eye contact for more than seconds at a time
• Which is why more than 1 guy has complained about my tendency to fuck with my eyes closed
• I don't wear pastel colors, polka dots, checkered patterns, florals, or ruffles
• I'd sooner don 7-inch platforms than kitten-heels or stilettos
• I'm bitter about still being poor from repaying student loan, credit card, and tax debt even though I work so hard
• Stupid people piss me off
• I get annoyed when I refer to subjects like "Foucault", "Manet's Olympia", "Duchamp's fountain", "Ceci n'est pas une pipe", "iambic pentameter", "Schrödinger's cat", and so on during conversation, and the person I'm addressing has no idea what I'm talking about
• I took a course on French gardens and loved it
• I once wondered aloud what the possible lab work for my Human Sexuality class might consist of
• The soft moans of a man are my personal Spanish Fly
• I hate wearing makeup
• I haven't had to shave my legs since 1994, for which I am grateful
• The snob in me loves international cuisine and thinks typical American food is unimaginative crap
• I make friends easily
• I lose acquaintances easily because, like Bunny, I have a bad tendency to cut and run with pretty much everyone when they step out of line
• Also like her, this is one of the things I'm working on
• I prefer posting in bulleted lists as opposed to making coherent sequential paragraphs