Red Alert
"Now what?"
"C'mon, baby... you know what I like."
"But we can't."
"Can't? Why can't we? It's not impossible."
"I don't think so, sweetie."
"I don't mind."
"Doesn't matter--"
"I really like it."
"Excuse me?"
"I really like doing it."
- pause -
"...are you fucking crazy?"
"What...?"
"I said, 'are you fucking crazy?'"
"What's so wrong with it?"
"Do you know how nuts you sound right about now?"
"Pfff... I'd expect you to be so close-minded."
"Close-minded, nothing... do you realize the risks involved?"
"What... you don't trust me?"
"It's not a matter of trust, doofus. It's not smart."
"Why not?"
"It's not safe."
"I'm not worried. I know you're healthy."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"Where did this unhealthy desire come from, anyway?"
"Don't change the subject."
"Answer the question. Where did--"
"Nothing! I just... I just saw it once, that's all. A video. No, a picture. Okay, a video. And it was--"
"This is far too weird."
"It's not! C'mon, try it. You're the one who's always saying you need to broaden your sexual horizons."
"Yeah, broaden. Not dilate to within an inch of its goddamn limits."
"Don't be so uptight."
"Uptight, nothing! Do you have any idea just what you're asking me to be part of?"
"Fine! Sheesh... I didn't know you'd make such a big deal of it."
"What did you expect? That I'd be all, 'Sure! Anything you want! I'm all about giving in to your needs.' ?"
"Well..."
"Well what?"
"Well... in a word, yes."
"Boy, oh boy, do you have another think coming."
"So you're saying you won't do it?"
"Damn straight. I'm not going to let you go down on me 2 days into my period, and THAT IS FINAL. Freak. I have absolutely no desire to try it, plus the visual of you coming up looking like a savage with crimson smears on your cheeks, nose, and chin is-- alarmingly enough-- both mildly amusing and utterly, profoundly disturbing."
(sigh) "Fine."
- pause -
"Will you at least let me-"
"No!"
- pause -
"Well, can we just cuddle?"
"Okay."
- pause -
"Hey! Get your finger out of there!"
posted by Avatar at 7:38 AM
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49 Comments:
...wow. The whole time I was reading that...I was wondering "Where is this going...?" then I read it. wow. THIS is why I dont like girls...
8/22/05 3:55 AM
Oh no. No, no, no, no. That is not okay.
8/22/05 5:35 AM
Oh dear god, get out of the bed slowly and keep backing away until you're out of the front door. Just no, no no no.
8/22/05 6:09 AM
Ive earned my red wings... but putting my COCK there and putting my FACE there are two totally different animals.
yiiieeeshhh
*shudders*
8/22/05 7:12 AM
It's not that bad, really.
Kind of fun, in a way, actually. I don't know that I'd go out of my way to talk someone into it, though.
A word of warning:
Wash your face really really well if you are going straight from her place to work... people will assume it was just a shaving cut, but still...
8/22/05 8:11 AM
fucking vampire.............jeesh!
8/22/05 8:50 AM
Normally I wouldn't put a subject like that on the table.
But if HE'S offering, well then... I don't see a problem with it.
8/22/05 9:47 AM
WOW!!! great site.
8/22/05 10:09 AM
Not on day 2. No. NO fucking way. Worse than 'Scarface'. Day 5, maybe....
8/22/05 11:55 AM
oh come on
if he really wants too...
just make him clean his face off with a towel before you look at it
8/22/05 11:58 AM
LMFAO!!!
Now thats Funny!!
Can you imagine him looking up at you with that "BOZO SMILE!"
Oh man, thats just wrong!!
8/22/05 1:29 PM
You know, it really isn't that gross, if you use a tampon. If you don't, a bit grosser, but still - come right out of the shower and I promise it'll be fine. Cocks are actually grosser, IMHO.
8/22/05 5:52 PM
I once worked with a man who would come to work and regale everyone with an assortment of tales all involving him going down on his wife during her period, and you'd have to picture the gap between his two front teeth to appreciate this, but he said he especially loved it when she was passing clots, because he would suck them back and forth between the gap in his front teeth. Mind you, his wife would show up at the workplace PERIODically, and of course at the Xmas parties. I'm sure I speak for most if not all of my former coworkers when I say that everytime we saw her, we couldn't get the visual of Billie's face smeared with her menses and clots out of our collective consciousness. ::SHUDDER::
8/22/05 7:51 PM
Ok, NM; I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Eeeeewwwwww...!
8/22/05 11:15 PM
Think izabel got it the closest... out of the shower... no problems. Even day 1 & 2. Otherwise, that is a definite fetish. Don't think I'd try that hard to convince someone. Ever.
8/22/05 11:38 PM
EWWW.
That's it.
Just EWWW!!!
8/23/05 6:23 AM
nuggetmaven...
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit
But to add I had a friend in high school who was obsessed with that...dude had problems...dude in story probably does too
8/23/05 7:15 AM
I really have no problem with that... My blood or what's left over in my period, isn't gross, isn't dirty, isn't disgusting... so, really not a problem...
8/23/05 7:15 AM
Holy fuck. No way. I don't get why guys WANT to do that at all.
8/23/05 7:33 AM
Rofl! I am dying here. Who the fuck are these people? Thats so nasty, but the thought of him coming up to kiss you covered in blood clots and stuff...oh god! I'm a lesbian but I have my limits, and that was the funniest thing I've heard all week!
8/23/05 7:46 AM
Jesus christ. I don't even like my steaks rare.
And NM, I think thats about the nastiest shit I've ever read in my entire fucking life. I'm afraid if someone were to go talking like that in front of me, I might just have to kick them in the throat, hard.
8/23/05 8:28 AM
I'd probably let a guy put his cock or finger inside during red alert, but definetely not his tongue.
nuggetmaven's story just killed my appetite for the entire week. Eww, clots!
8/23/05 10:22 AM
Founds your blog through random trolling. Between the title to your blog and this gem of an entry I have to link you.
8/23/05 10:46 AM
That's just sooo wrong.
I've had an ex attempt once, but with a tampon in, and just clitoral.
the redness doesn't appeal AT ALL.
and that story from nm,
seriously, just plain gross
8/23/05 12:26 PM
I wouldn't mind...
8/23/05 1:10 PM
I dont care who you are. That's messed up right there.
8/23/05 3:16 PM
Dave, I wished you worked with me way back when... perhaps if someone kicked this guy in the throat, no one would have to suffer thru my story as the memory fails to fully repress. To this day, if I run into someone with a gap between their teeth... that's the first thing I think of.
8/23/05 4:12 PM
so...i am all about my man swimming the red river...however, i would NEVER EVER ask him to drink from it...
omg...eeww...gross...
peace...
8/23/05 4:27 PM
Wow...That's awesome. I'd let him in a second.
8/23/05 5:49 PM
My girlfriend likes to fuck while she is on her period. I really don't care for it, but, hey, I aim to please.
She gets wilder while on her period,
8/23/05 6:06 PM
Funny as hell but, um, GROSS!!!
I'm a lesbian so going down on women is a second career. Even so...GROSS!!!
NM, GROSS!!!
8/23/05 8:00 PM
Thank you for sharing. I had no idea there were guys out there wanting this. But, you learn a little new something every day.
I have a new view of all gapped toothed people.
8/23/05 8:40 PM
Ah, that's hilarious. I was just having this discussion with a friend of mine the other day, and you stated my point:
Seeing him come up looking like bloodied mass murderer is not something that would work for me.
I mean, there I would be, freshly orgasmed, and then look down to see a horror movie taking place between my legs.
The trauma! No thanks.
8/24/05 7:06 AM
how did you get your sirly-word thing so you don't get adds?
i need one!
(thanks)
8/24/05 11:23 AM
So I know you've probably heard this a million times but VERY COOL BLOG!
Would you be able to share where you get those great photos??
8/25/05 6:54 AM
Now, I'll run a red light - shit, I'm like an ambulance - but gettin' all bozo-faced? No thank you. Communion just ain't for me.
Although I have claimed I eat so much pussy my mouth bleeds once a month.
Hmmm...
8/25/05 7:41 AM
Now that is just funny.
I have licked the clit while fingering way back in the young days when I thought I would never get any again, but... DAMN!!!
Between the post and the comments... this will keep me smiling and puking in my mouth for a few days.
8/25/05 12:15 PM
Wanted to say great blog and...
I don't mind the pet doing anything he wants during my period, but the whole clot between the teeth thing has me officially grossed out beyond all reason.
Just when I think I have truly heard it all sexually...ewewewewewewewewewewew
8/25/05 2:40 PM
um..I thought dudes who sought out pregnant chicks were odd, this takes it to a whole new level of oddness. Just damn.
and NM - he needs to be reemed for saying that shit.
8/25/05 8:36 PM
It's not so bad... and you can use the tampon's string to floss the clots out from in between the gaps in your teeth...
Someone asked about the "wordy thing" to keep spammers from dropping comments. Just go to Change Settings, then hit up the Settings tab, then the Comments Tab, then click "yes" on the 'word verification' option. I just did this earlier because my blog got attacked by spammers last night. Bastards.
8/26/05 8:12 AM
NASTY!!!!! I seriously don't know what else to say.... especially to the clotting story, that's just frickin gross
8/26/05 4:39 PM
gap teeth, clots, tampons, floss.
'nuff said.
*throws up*
8/27/05 7:29 AM
ok...Now...I'm open minded.....I love new things....I'm kinkier than most people I know....but
SORRY HARD LIMIT on THAT one! Bleeeeeeck
sick sick sickkkkkk
8/28/05 7:00 PM
that is positively the grossest and funniest thing I have read in my life.
and I've lived awhile.
8/29/05 6:34 PM
Yeah, I thinking I am pretty open to a lot! But absolutly not! gives me the ahhhs (you know that shiver down your back. Fucking during that time, ok....but not that!
my blog
8/30/05 5:05 AM
I can deal with the fucking-during-the-period (though Day 2? maybe not so much, if only for the sake of the linens)...
But (even if my man would go down on me, because (according to him) Brothas Don't Do That) that would be sooooooooooooooo out of the question.
And NM, that story just gave me a semi-permanent case of the jibblies. And also caused me to yell "Oh my fucking god, that's DISGUSTING!" And the windows are open.
8/30/05 6:40 PM
NM, your story is causing quite the stir among a few LJ communities, such as "Too Much Info" and "Bad Porn".
8/30/05 8:12 PM
I was re-reading the comments and I remembered I knew somethng gross about periods and sex....
My good friend Chaz was almost seduced by this mad girl who put her period blood in her wine, as some kind of seduction spell (mad girl is a "witch"). Who knew the heady mixture of blood old eggs and sour red wine would get people into bed (and it has! Mad girl had gotten 5 shags out of it thus far.)
Kinda tempts you to do the unthinkable, eh? Everytime I think about I'm freaked out and strangely intrigued...
9/6/05 9:12 AM
Actually, I had a one night stand with my period. He went down on me. I didn't care. I was never going to see him again. Omg, he came up and his face! I still have flashes, and the sheets looked like someone killed a cow. I would not do it with someone I knew. We kept stopping to take showers, It's gross. You get red finger nails, the condom! eeek! I would not do it again!! gross!
7/24/06 8:29 AM
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