Oh, go fuck yourself, lady!

Dear Psycho,

Just because you had some squealing, shrieking, ungrateful brat come tearing out of your fetid vagina and into the cold, cruel world for the sole purpose of sucking the very life from you while making the lives of those around you absolutely fucking miserable doesn't give you any sort of moral high ground, you elitist, selfish, ugly, frigid, humorless, judgemental, pathetic, evil, cuntish, psycho bitch-mom from hell you!

You don't know everything. You're not always right. Your opinion isn't the only one that matters. Your judgement is not final. You can rationalize your shift to the conservative dark side as the result of giving birth all you want, I still think you're full of shit every moment you yack on and on about other people's private lives because your life post-baby is a shadow of what it used to be, and you gab and blather nonstop just to get people to pay you some fucking atttention instead of the baby, goddamnit!

Shut up. Seriously. Just shut the fuck up with your childish, chickenheaded yammer, you cliquish, gossipy, backstabbing little bitch. Don't you have a stinky, shit-filled diaper somewhere to go change?

And here's something else that will wipe that self-righteous smirk right off your stress-lined fright-mask of a face, you hypocritical PTA cockbiter: to some people, carrying a kid on your hip positively screams, "I'm proof my mom loves to fuck... bareback!" Choke on that creampie, queen bee.


[image swiped from bannertown @ chickenhead.com]

[deep inhale, switch rants]

I've discovered over the last few years that, because I'm single and child-free, I'm apparently a baby-eating ogre.

You see, a bunch of mothers on one of the message boards I regularly lurk around got up in arms not too long ago. They took umbrage with one poster's characterization of his friends --who desperately wanted a child, adamantly refused to adopt through insistence that an adopted child "wouldn't be good enough", and spent more than $50,000 on unsuccessful rounds of in vitro fertilization-- as "selfish". In fact, one new mother went as far as to threaten the poor guy with violence.

I was like, "what the fuck?!?"

Fist of all, he made a judgement call on people with whom he's presumably well-enough acquainted. He's entitled. Who the fuck are these screeching shrews to defend two assholes they've never even met? One harangued him for daring to pass judgement on the "miracle of birth". Collectively, they acted as if he'd ass-raped their beloved dog before dropping his pants and taking a shit on the coffee table.

I ask you: If childbirth is so miraculous, how is it that it manages to happen tens of thousands of times a day? Show me a weeping statue of the Virgin Mary that has that kind of activity. I mean, the heroin addict down the street in my old neighborhood managed to have sex without a condom, get knocked up, and is due to pass a living being through her vagina any day now... is that a miracle too? How (if at all) is it any different from theirs? Does that make her any better than me? Does her opinion on anything and everything suddenly matter more?

And why does almost every new mom act like she's the first person ever to give birth? I mean, fuck... Pol Pot's mother gave birth, too. Fat lot of good that did the world. I understand that as parents, their child becomes the center of their world. And as much of a grump as I can be here, I often go out of my way to accomodate that, even for people I don't know. Smile and act nice, do unto others and all that. But in return, I expect parents to understand that THEIR child is NOT the center of MY world.

And please be satisfied that a verbal slight against someone else's stupid parenting choices or questionable parenting skills is not always a slight against you just because you're a parent. Some parents really need to stop being so defensive about their choices and taking shit like that so goddamned personally. So what if some anonymous internet asshole calls a baby you didn't birth a squealing brat? So fucking what? Your only concern should be with raising YOUR kid(s) the best way you can. Congratulations, you've bred... shut the fuck up, already.

And be thankful outspoken, fuck-happy assholes like myself aren't having any.

Addendum: Welcome to the people coming in from Codewolf. Look around, make yourselves at home.
And to the LiveJournal and Blogger bitch-moms who linked to me: if what I wrote doesn't apply to you, there's really no need for you to defend yourself. Besides, going on a self-righteous defensive tirade only serves to reinforce my point.