Ungrateful Bastard
If you're a man who's got the privilege of an intelligent, charming, witty, non-ugly woman willing to have sex with you both on a regular basis and without expectations, do yourself a favor and try not to fuck it up. Seriously. If you're lucky enough to have gotten the sex without the commitment and other bullshit trappings of a real relationship, at least act grateful and try not to be such a selfish bastard.
Even the most casual relationship comes with a certain understanding; a tacit agreement of near-equal give and take. If you didn't know that, well, now you do. When it comes to sex, you can't get something for nothing. Casual sex precludes neither consideration nor courtesy, and if you expect that it does, then you're a socially inept fool.
I'm of the firm belief that the sex industry exists for a reason. I couldn't do what these men and women do, so more power to them for performing such a valuable service to society. And as I've maintained from the very beginning, any man selfish enough to insist on no-strings-attached sex only when he wants, only where he wants, and only how he wants should feel free to pay someone else for it, as I'm sure they'd happily oblige.
I, on the other hand? Have better things to do than sit around and wait for your stupid ass to habitually spend a week and a half to return one fucking phone call. One's options are never limited; the dating pool is in constant flux, and if you act the fool, don't be surprised when you are swiftly and methodically withdrawn from consideration.
posted by Avatar at 12:39 AM
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25 Comments:
All good relationships are founded on mutual love and respect.
Loving someone normally prohibits you from demonstrating selfish, ungrateful behaviour towards them.
If this is the case ditch them and find someone who will return your love.
Sex is just a part of a relashionship and doesn't compensate for lack of respect.
Suze X
11/4/05 2:30 AM
I've had a few casual, no-strings-attached relationships that were remarkably respectful and loving. It is possible.
NSA does not mean rude.
Let him pay for it, if that's how he wants to be. Someone famous (can't remember who...) said that when you are paying for sex, you're not really paying for the act. You are paying for her to leave and not contact you again.
I wish you well. Remember that is has NOTHING whatsoever to do with you, only with his own rudeness.
11/4/05 7:28 AM
I'll admit to being the ungrateful bastard at times.. though not out of purpose or intent. just looking back, i know i was the guilty party. ive also been the recipeint of said behaviour a few times ...
11/4/05 8:06 AM
I know this is an overused cliche but why don't people understand that no matter what: men are pigs.
11/4/05 9:08 AM
That's bullshit! Not all men or women are anything.
Avatar, I feel for you. I had a similar thing like that too.
There's always someone else out there.
11/4/05 9:51 AM
You need a considerate fuckbuddy. He's banned.
11/4/05 10:14 AM
Suze: Well, I expected a good deal of laissez-faire considering the casual nature of things, but his all-out selfishness is just patently ridiculous.
Aroused Firl: //NSA does not mean rude. //
More people need to learn that.
Popfizz: We're all flawed. Did you make an affort to change it when someone called you on it?
A-Lumpen-Proletariat: I wouldn't say that. I think the actual numbers top out at about 98%. ;-)
Used Hack: Fair enough. I'm sure people who say that speak out of genuine hurt.
The DogGrrrrl: I agree! He's such a self-absorbed bastard. I'm sure there's some doormat woman out there somehere who will make him very happy.
11/4/05 10:50 AM
Very well said avatar. Some people are so fucking selfish.
11/4/05 11:39 AM
As a Male I don't understand how others of my chromosomal "pool" can be this way, I was raised correctly I guess - and always call to follow up be it a good or bad connection. It's "JUST what you are supposed to do." I feel for ya, agree with all comments above, and agree with Used that generalizations are incomplete without facts....... and agree then that your assumption of "98%" is probably so close to the mark that it hurts to agree with it. AAG and I have had a couple discussions on this "NSA" phenomenom, and it just stands to reason that if you are at least a functioning person in this unfunctioning society today - common kindness will get you so much further - even if it is "NSA" based to start out...... just me, sharing as always... right or wrong.... D.
11/4/05 11:55 AM
well Ms. Avatar, there's no rules or expectations in an NSA right? if there were rules (strings) then it probably, technically would not be an NSA. you can't expect a phone call back within what you consider to be a satisfactory time frame, that's no commitment. Not having to communicate or work at communication is a benefit. If in the past, he has expected you to respond to him within a shorter time frame, then he's a hypocrite. If you care that much, then you have an attachment which raises the most important question here, is there really any such thing as an NSA?
11/4/05 12:01 PM
IndigoRubber: Amen.
Doug: I like your persepective on things. I, myself, partly put the blame the self-centeredness of my generation on their shitty, non-parenting parents.
Louieky: Like I said "Casual sex precludes neither consideration nor courtesy". In any given situation, only the lowest of the low instinctively treat other people like dirt. If one's definition of no-strings-attached means no semblance of consideration whatsoever is to be extended to the other person involved, then I maintain the protagonist is better off paying for the kind of thoughtless, selfish sex he wants.
11/4/05 12:25 PM
Another rule that may be worth mentioning, if a girl offers this type of arrangement, don't turn it down. Last spring I had a friend that I had gone out with on several occasions. It was obvious that we would not make a good couple but we did enjoy each others company and were attracted to each other. One night in a bar she outright said it, brought up the idea of us just being fuck-buddies. No strings attached but exclusive for the sake of safe sex.
I don't know why, but I turned it down. She never spoke to me again. Maybe I hurt her feelings, maybe I just pissed her off, maybe both.
Later on I regretted it for a number of reasons.
11/4/05 2:07 PM
I think this thing, here:
http://www.datingfun.com/guides/etiquette/agreement.asp
...should be amended, with some sort of agreement regarding reciprocity. Seems awfully biased towards males. Especially the doggie style part...
11/4/05 5:19 PM
Here's a link to the page Pisser mentioned.
11/4/05 5:38 PM
Grassy ass :)
P.S. My verification word looks like "quim".
11/4/05 6:06 PM
It's called taking things for granted. It exists in all kinds of relationships.
Some people just don't understand the concept of mutual respect - even after the end of the relationship and then they'd wonder "What happened?"
11/4/05 7:02 PM
Sound like you have a total jackass on your hands. Dump it and find someone better.
11/5/05 3:43 PM
Dump him and move on to someone who shows some respect.
You deserve better.
zmtawhf
11/5/05 5:48 PM
It doesn't matter what the "rules" of NSA happen to be. It matters what YOU want.
I assume you wish to be treated with basic human courtesy, among other things.
There are others, luckily. Ditch this one.
11/5/05 8:07 PM
Somebody once said "it takes all kinds;" and damn them, that bullshit stuck.So it takes all kinds, so what -- it doesn't mean we have to take their shit.
I was once blessed with months of NSA sex, and it was bliss: friendly, intimate, loving and respectful... we didn't know how we got there, but we were grateful to have found such a comfortable place together.
Avatar, you bring way too much savvy to the proverbial table to accept such abuse. Hope you've moved on the greener pastures.
11/6/05 10:38 AM
Pisser: Lucky. Mie always come out like "zkjdjzwsnm".
Carl From LA: I often wonder why it's so darn easy to fall into that "taking things for granted" place, oftentimes without even realizing it.
The seeker: Amen. I know I need to do that.
Momentarily Distracted: Yeah. I do need to. What, no word verification poetry? ;-)
Corvo: You assume correctly. I do. And I often wonder why it's so hard to put even that minute an expectation upon certain people.
Viewfinder: You're lucky you found it. And I do need to find that elsewhere.
11/6/05 11:37 AM
I think there's a higher level of general nastiness now than there has ever been during my entire short-lived life. I work in a retail store, and the level of nastiness is unbelievable, and is in a fairly constant state of discussion among workers in retail.
I have never had a NSA (or DIA or CIA best attempt at comic relief) so I can't comment, other than so far, I really prefer marriage. Sex is anot always peaking, I may often need some trimming, and co-ordination can sometimes be wierd (we haven't been together for almost a week now and I'm dying...I know I'm in school but....) but the relationship remains.
If rudeness surfaces, it is the symptom of a much bigger problem, and I don't see the relationship going much farther. And I mean this in marriage, nothing fuck buddy or NSA about it.
So, I think Avatar writes this up, and gets it published. make it a movie. Explain how we need to get everyone in society treating each other with more respect, corporations too.. Why a movie? Most people don't read books anymore. Except the literatti in blogging.
Let's see, scientific method. Define the problem, collect data, solve the problem. Publish.
Yup, that should do it. Let's go, time to execute. It's as simple as that.
11/6/05 1:11 PM
wauw..hope you got time to read this!! you're blog is populair!!
Where did you get the crazy dick pictures??? is that the guy you're talking about right now???
Ha ha haha!! Good luck to you!!
11/6/05 2:23 PM
Yes - reciprocity is the operative word here. I just wrote about the same exact thing. I feel your frustration exactly.
11/8/05 12:05 PM
I agree with Monty--if people exhibit bad traits in "smaller" ways, chances are they will be fucked up in more "significant" ways. People are predictable that way.
11/8/05 12:10 PM
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