The Truth Behind Her Words
When it's your first time naked in bed togethere, here's a handy list for decoding the excuses she makes at the critical moment:
She says: "I'm in a really weird place right now... I'm just not feeling that sexual."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "Fuck! I just now got my period."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "I just want to cuddle."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "Is it okay if you just go down on me tonight? I don't feel like doing anything else."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "Hang on... I have to make a phone call. Yes, right now. Long distance. It'll be a while."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "The condom won't stay on for some reason... I haven't the faintest idea why."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "Are you in yet? You are? Okay. Sorry, I was distracted. Oh, that's right... yeah! Give it to me, baby!"
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "I'm not up to it... I feel a migraine coming on."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "Another time? Uh... I'm kinda busy these days. Lemme check my schedule, and I'll call you."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
She says: "That was fun and all, but you know what? Let's just be friends."
She means: "Your dick is too small."
posted by Avatar at 3:41 AM
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32 Comments:
Jeez! And I thought Eskimos had a lot of words for snow... : )
12/22/05 9:02 AM
Hmmmm Never heard anythything like that before......*wink
12/22/05 9:04 AM
No wonder I've never heard these excuses before - not even when she has a period. And I thought I was just easy going.
12/22/05 9:10 AM
Out of curiosity is this for general edification, of did you recently have an encounter with someone who is not only unfortunately small but also unable to take a hint?
12/22/05 10:03 AM
"I don't mind taking it all in my mouth OR taking it up the ass when I'm with you. I must just be comfortable around you."
No, he didn't take the hint.
Yes, his dick was too small.
12/22/05 10:12 AM
BWAHAHAHA. Miss Sassy. Priceless. And right.
12/22/05 11:07 AM
Thanks. Say, this one girl asked me: "Are you gonna try to fuck me with that or skewer hors d'oeuvers with that toothpick?"
What was she trying to tell me?
12/22/05 11:10 AM
"i might not be able to hit bottom, but bang into the sides."
12/22/05 12:10 PM
Tsavo Leone: Ah, the wiles of the feminine vocabulary.
Mr Crane: Oooh. Ouch. It's never fun to be on the receiving end of such words. There's a lot that can be done to make up for it, though... one just has to apply oneself to the situation.
Carl: Heh. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back, Mr. Big. ;-)
Christopher Robin: The latter. It was such a let-down. We had such good chemsitry vertical, but horizontally, it just went flat. And he was way too insecure to truly apply himself.
Miss Sassy: Heh. I always thought it'd be a great compliment to a guy to say "I can't let you do me there, you're way too big!"
The DogGrrrrl: Isn't she hilarious? Check out her blog.
Lightning Bug's Butt: That depends; did she say it while holding a magnifying glass?
Exile: Ha! My, that sounds familiar... ;-)
12/22/05 12:22 PM
OK. I'll bite Av. How small was it?
One of my friends said she didn't mind small, except sometimes they were so short they couldn't insert.
12/22/05 12:35 PM
Gold.
I always liked a line Robin Williams said in 'Death to Smoochie':
"It's small but it's furious!"
12/22/05 2:41 PM
ouch! and i just stopped by to wish you a happy holiday! :) good thing i've never heard any of those lines before... or have I?
12/22/05 3:26 PM
LMAO! I can always come here for a great laugh.
12/22/05 4:33 PM
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
12/22/05 4:33 PM
half the fund of underf*cked is reading your audience,
Av... but I don't get 'bent fabric' at all... his dick must be way too small.
and have I head any of those? um, I'll never tell!
12/22/05 6:10 PM
Seattleboi: He was about 3" hard. 3 1/2 maybe. If he hadn't gone down on me twice, I would've thrown him out.
Lex: "Tiny dicks of anger!!!"
Artfuldodger: Ah, you man of mystery, you.
Bent: Thanks! Bet you've never had to use those before, eh? ;-)
Viewfinder: Bent's here, SHE's queer, get used to her! :-)
12/22/05 6:57 PM
She says,"Your dick is too small."
She means, "Your dick is too small."
He says,"What do you mean?"
12/23/05 3:35 AM
She says "Is it OK if you just go down on me tonight? I don't feel like doing anything else."
She means: "Your dick is too small"
... LOL ... I am 100% with you on that one!
Though, sometimes I am evil, and say that anyways ;-)
12/23/05 6:43 AM
hmmmmm...
you know girls, before you start throwing such statements around keep in mind that maybe you've just lost your Elasticity
12/23/05 10:53 AM
Sounds like the boy needs to practice up on his "oral" skills!
12/23/05 11:21 AM
Lol - anyone of you: never been told any of these excuses ... ? Great blog, finally linked you !
12/23/05 11:35 AM
Ouch!
12/23/05 12:22 PM
"Baby, don't wear the black condoms."
"Why, you racist all of the sudden? They look fucking cool."
"Well... um... sigh... black is slimming, baby..."
12/23/05 8:52 PM
I must be either really lucky or not too experienced...for i have never been with a man who's dick is too small...
12/24/05 7:25 AM
Hmmm, really know how to hit below the belt. Reminds me of a joke, a size queen gets one look at a guys penis when he drops his pants, she looks at him and sneers "Who are you going to satisfy with THAT!"
He replies. "Me."
Its the one thing we truly have no control over.
12/24/05 8:34 AM
I'm sensing a theme in that! :)
12/24/05 1:49 PM
Ditto on the Eskimo thing. Think it would be more helpful or harmful to tack this up over my bed?
12/25/05 12:02 AM
She: Your dick is too small
He: Your pussy's a cavernous black hole that I've got to wear a harness to go spelunking in.
They have to make themselves feel better somehow I guess.
12/25/05 3:40 AM
As usual..hilarious!! :)
12/25/05 9:28 PM
That's funny!
I had a friend in college with a small penis. According to him it was never an issue, and I believe him - he got more ass than a park bench.
But one night one of his would be conquests saw the "little guy" and started laughing, she asked "Who you gonna please with that?"
To wich he replied, "ME!"
Thought it was pretty funny how he looked at the whole thing.
12/26/05 11:30 AM
Hilarious post ... hilarious comments !! Great blogging all.
12/28/05 5:59 AM
i love how women are such shallow bitches, and yet no one is allowed to point out the ones that large gaping vaginas? and dont believe that line about hoe they adjust their size during arousal, it aint true.
if you own a vibrator that looks like a life sized human arm, you have issues.
4/24/08 11:40 PM
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