Penile Code
Yesterday, Pisser sent me an e-mail about this web page (orignially blogged about by Alex&Suze) that lists the gay hanky code, which exists as
...a traditional form of signaling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are. Gay men used this code to communicate with each other in the noisy and distracting environment of gay bars. Although not as widely used these days, it is still a worthwhile resource and is, among those who know, a great conversation starter.To sum it up, the handkerchiefs worn in the back pocket of one's jeans are a no-miss way of advertising what you've done and/or are willing to do sexually. The code serves to eliminate confusion by pointing out exactly what the bearer's preferences are, with little to no miscommunication to be had. I think the idea is brilliant. And I think something similar should be applied to heterosexual men. These signs would have the communicational effects of the hanky code, but would serve as sexual beacons much like the hobo code: warning likeminded wanderers away, or recommending ideal situations. In a nod to our legislators and to "Kentucky Fried Movie", I would call it the Penile Code.
Similar to the coal markings and wood carvings of the hobo code, it would be applied in a manner that is permanently etched on the naked body. Might I suggest branding? Metal shapes are heated up to scalding levels and pressed into the man's skin by his lover post-coitus, such that the resultant scar serves to give his next tumble in the sheets an idea of what he's good at, what he's bad at, what to avoid him because of, and what his depraved little mind desires but he can't quite bring himself to say.
Here's a rudimentary mock-up of the key I would use:
[click to enlarge and read]The idea is beneficial to both parties: by branding the warnings and/or recommendations onto the male genitals, any subsequent partner will have a first-hand (no pun intended) account of his past activities, and for the guys? Lots more surprise oral. Everybody wins!
All possible brands would be made of surgical-grade stainless steel, in a neatly assembled and very portable kit, each of which would come with its own butane torch and tongs for heating purposes. It's a capital idea, I tell you! Now whom do I pitch it to?
Update: You HAVE to take a look at Pisser's version. Fucking HILARIOUS! I hate to admit it, but she did it better than me.
posted by Avatar at 12:12 AM
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